I had a battle today.

The battle I had today was an inner one.

Ever have those?

The ones that really no one ever knows about but you.  It all started when my children were having fun outside in  beautiful 60 degree weather under the bright blue sky and golden sun.  They were out back … playing ever so greatly together.  I heard water running.  ‘I’ll go check on it’ I thought.  The thoughts continued … I’m sure it’s not a big deal … I hear water running all the time, as I’m sure you do too … toilets flushing, baths going, washing machine running, dishwasher running … you get the point.  So I went outside to check on the water situation in the back yard.  The kids were making mud pies.  My oldest loves to get dirty.  She loves the dirt.  I love that about her … I’m so not that way!

Well, the water they were using was coming outside by the cup fulls from our kitchen.   They had their little cute colorful cups and were walking in, filling up their cups and walking their cupfuls of water outside and dumping them onto the dirt.

That really didn’t bother me. It was cute. It really was.

What bothered me was the fact that I’d just swept and mopped today.  After the fun-filled Sleet Extravaganza of 2012 that we had the day before (that lasted ohhhhh about 20 minutes, mind you) there were leaves and dirt all on the floor around the back door.  I swept and mopped and it was dry and clean and lovely.  Then there were muddy feet prints on my clean floor.

Enter: the battle

Fresh off hearing yesterdays church sermon, well, more appropriately, fresh off the Holy Spirit doing a work in me on the necessity to Tend to My Heart on a regular basis, I immediately realized the obvious: I. WAS. FRUSTRATED.

My clean floor.  Was messy.  A mere 4 hours later.  And y’all, it really bothered me.

I don’t have a lot of answers here … just the mere confession of a mom that has battles going on in her heart all the time.  Do I react?  Do I let it go?  Do I ‘let it go’ and act frustrated and angry at them all day?  Or do I really let it go?  How do I really let it go?  I’m trying to let it go and it’s not going.  It’s not going anywhere!

My. Frustration. Sits.

Inside me.  It just sits there.  Boiling.  Slowly, but surely … coming to a roaring boil.

Let me be truthful here; I have had many-a-day where this is what takes up my day.  Just trying to let it go and not boil over.  It usually includes a lot of self-talk and deep breathing. hehe.

By the graciousness of our Father God, I realize … This is not my home. Well, it is the home we bought and live and are taking care of, but it’s not my home.  When I was a senior in high school my mom bought me this poster that I loved.  It went like this:

This world is not my home.
Although it seems to be.
My home is with my God,
in the place He’s made for me.
He’s coming back real soon,
The signs are very clear.
So when the trumpet sounds,
I’ll be outta here!
 

Y’all … as cute as that saying is … it is truth!  My home, the one I live in every day, whether it’s clean or dirty, freshly mopped or freshly-made-a-mess-of … it’s just a temporary house that is a blessing on this earth.  My home is with my God and I’m just waiting to meet Him there.  So in those moments of getting frustrated about my messy house, tending to my heart and realizing I’m placing way too much value on how my house looks is not having a right, truth-filled perspective of where my heart and home really lie.

In those moments of frustration, as your day goes by, spend a minute to examine your heart.  Why are you frustrated? Is there something else going on there?  Are you just trying to ‘let it go’? Or is the Lord trying to teach you something more about Him? His sufficiency? His sovereignty? Our lack of trust? Our mixed up priorities?  Give your heart to the Lord today … He can take much better care of it than we can.

**I originally wrote a portion of this post back in Spring of 2012.  IT took me a long time to process and articulate what was going on in my heart. :).  None the less, here it is for you today!**

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Virginia
    Sep 18, 2012 @ 18:09:14

    LOVE that Holly! Such a truth for all Moms everywhere. We all get frustrated over the things that I think God brings into out lives to teach us and mold us to be more like Him. As soon as I saw that poem, I remembered. I love that-such truth. Think I might frame it again:)

    Reply

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