I’m replacing my fast with other things … comfort things.

I want food. ‘fun’ food. Not broccoli and veggies and good for me things.  I want coca-cola gummy bears and chips and cereal. I want to bake … chocolate chip cake and lemon whippersnappers, just to eat them. To taste the sweet and the crunchy.

I am full. Physically full, my belly is.  From lunch that took place merely 1 hour ago.

It’s my soul that wants.  My soul that is longing for something.

And I’m filling it. With sweet and crunchy snacks. Snacks that taste good to the tongue and sound nice to the ears going in.

I am fasting. 7 days into it and my Lord spoke to me in prayer … He urged the Holy Spirit inside of me…

I’m not pushing myself enough. No, my fast isn’t fun. It definitely brings on boredom. I like to veg out in front of the television. It is hard.  It is actually hard for me to not watch television. I like television.

So for 7 days, no television. More time in prayer. God used that.  To bring a family to mind that needed a meal. I’m not sure I would have seen that amidst Cougar Town and Survivor.  The Holy Spirit spoke and amidst the silence, I heard.

Thank you, Father for that.

Then I noticed … amongst the silence … I’m replacing.  I’m replacing television with food.  Snacks.  Crunchy, salty, sweet, good-in-my-mouth snacks.

It’s been revealed.  The other thing I run to for comfort.  To forget.  To escape.  To get away.  And even to fill the boredom when I’m fasting from television.

The shame sets in and I speak condemnation to myself … ‘REALLY?!’ I’m replacing my fast with food.  Seriously, Holly, come on.  You’re suppose to be replacing it with prayer and reading scripture. Even more prayer and even more scripture.  And you’re suppose to be feeling this amazing sense of being closer to God than ever before …’ 

‘NO!” I actually shout out loud.

Truth.

I need Truth.

Truth MUST take over.

In the silence … the Holy Spirit stirs and I listen …

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” Romans 8:1-2

I am in Jesus.  There is NO condemnation. 

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

Jesus died for ME.  There is no shame in failure. I am secure in Him. He loved me then … He loves me still … That’s all that matters.

So I give up sugar and crunchy, salty, sweet snack food that I run to.  My lent continues.  I press in further because I WANT TO KNOW JESUS MORE.

Another week into it and this portion of my fast has made me especially grumpy.  Just ask the 3 living in this house with me.  They know.  I hold on to it still though, because I believe. I believe He’s speaking to me. I believe He wants me changed at the end of my Lenten fast. I believe He can make that change.  I believe, by the power of the Holy Spirit that is in me, that He will comfort my failures and draw me close and love me always as He loves me now.

How is your fast?  Is He pushing you for more?  Are you willing to give it?

Are you in a period of shame and grumpiness?  Cast it aside and hold firm to truth to lead you and guide you.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. cassiwortham
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:33:50

    Thanks Holly for sharing from your heart about your fast. I am fasting from desserts and it is HARD, I want a cookie, ice cream so I can relate to all the the things you mention as your struggle. I appreciate your honesty and for being so transparent sweet sister!

    Big Hugs and prayers!
    Cassi

    Reply

  2. Michael Flores
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:59:25

    “In the silence … the Holy Spirit stirs and I listen …” this is where I need to get! This is where my heart gets wrecked, and God reveals how beautiful He is. This where I understand why I am fasting in the first place. This is what I need!

    Reply

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